Reflections

January 1, 2010

This morning (Dec 31) I had a lot of time to myself.  It was my first day off in nine days.  I went out to breakfast by myself.  I went bike riding by myself. I went for a walk by myself.  I ate lunch by myself.  All my friends and coworkers were working!

I really wanted pancakes for my birthday breakfast so I went to Cafe Neve’.  There were two people in line in front of me to order.  The first guy ordered pancakes and the waiter went to check with the chef to see if there were any left.  There were.  When it was my turn to order I just asked, “Are there any pancakes left?”  The waitress checked.  There weren’t.  I turned around. I walked out the door.  I went to the Hobnail Cafe across the street and had French toast instead.

One of the things I was most looking forward to on my birthday in New Zealand was being in the middle of summer rather than the middle of winter.  My dream and hope was to wear flip flops.  I wasn’t so sure this dream would come true here in Fox.  But wonder of wonders!  We had a beautiful day.  I wore flip flops.  It wasn’t too hot, but it was lovely and warm.  So I ate both my breakfast and my lunch al fresco.  

I was inspired by the nice weather to ride the 6 km out to Lake Matheson.  When I got there I sat on a couple park benches and just took in the view.  I was very reflective.  I’m 26 now.  This is not exactly where I thought I’d be at 26.  I mean, yes it is in a way, but in a way it isn’t.  In the last year or so I’ve been imagining turning 26 in New Zealand.  But before that I always hoped my life would be a little more normal at 26.

Since I was young I imagined myself married or engaged to be married.  I imagined living in a big city and enjoying the life a big city offers.  I’d have a good office job.  But I’m not anywhere near those imaginings.  I have no romantic resume to speak of.  I don’t have an office job.  And Fox Glacier is the farthest thing from a big city I can imagine.

These were the things I thought about while enjoying the views of the prairie and the mountains.  I was a bit sad.  A bit disappointed.  Sometimes I think I came to New Zealand because none of the things I really wanted to be doing were happening.  It’s like, “My life isn’t going the way I want it to. . . I think I’ll go to a foreign country in the meantime!”  This seems to be my way of coping.  

When I finally decided I should get up and actually do the walk around the lake, I began to think about the best years of my life.  I wanted to ascertain what stage of my life seemed like the best so far.  I’d recently read a blog by a friend and she was missing her college years.  I knew for certain that I was NOT missing my college years.  I don’t really miss high school either.  I really enjoyed being young like ages 3-10.  But finally I concluded that the years since college have been the most enjoyable years.

I might fudge a little and say everything from 22 onward has been great.  I was technically still in college when I turned 22, but I had finished all my required classes and was going to France to spend my last semester.  I definitely already felt like I was done with college.

In these years, I’ve enjoyed learning to take bigger risks.  I’ve traveled.  I’ve made new friends and redefined what I consider to be friendship.  My relationship with God has grown into something I couldn’t have imagined it would be back in college.  I’ve tried numerous jobs and learned how to live unemployed.  I have experienced horrible lows and learned how to get the better of them.  These years haven’t been perfect, cookie-cutter, do-what-everyone-expects-me-to-do years.  They haven’t been what I imagined they would be.  But they have definitely been the most exciting years of my life!

In the afternoon I had more fun and was less introspective.  I sat in the sunshine and read.  Caroline took me out for coffee.  I talked to my family.  I spent time with Maureen and Jessica.  I took nap.  I spent more time in the sunshine reading.  I went for a second bike ride, this time with Jessica.  

All my co-workers pitched in and bought me a cake.  We ate the cake at Maureen’s while we watched a silly movie.  Maureen, Jessica, and I counted down the new year together.  It was quiet and peaceful.  I liked it because it was how I usually count down the new year.  There wasn’t a lot of fuss or drinking or loudness.  We just jollily and soberly wished one another a “Happy New Year”.

I’m hoping this year some of the things I have been dreaming about since I was young will come true.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m very happy that I pursued this dream of coming to New Zealand.  But I want to see some of my other dreams come true as well.  

Here’s hoping that in this new year your dreams come true too!  Happy New Year!