Soaring

February 28, 2011

“There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body.  Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God.  And you count far more to him than birds.” - Matthew 6:25-26 The Message

“The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need.” - Psalm 23:1

You know what the only native animals are in New Zealand?  You know which animal is more populous than humans in New Zealand?

Answer One: Birds

Answer Two: Sheep

I feel like God has brought me to a country that is a real-life example of the scriptures!  On this Sunday at Mass the main reading was from Matthew chapter six, which I had just happened to be reading and meditating on during the two days beforehand.  

Isn’t it amazing that God says we are like sheep, but he calls us to be like the birds?  Since living in Fox Glacier I’ve learned a lot more about sheep and birds than I ever would have learned at home.  

First of all, sheep have to be the biggest scaredy cats in the world!  After church on Sunday I rode my bike home.  There were about seven or eight sheep that had somehow wandered out of their paddock and into the grass right along the road.  As I rode my bike past them they freaked out!!!!  A couple of them just kept running ahead of me -- running for their lives!  I eventually took pity on them and crossed to the other side of the street.  Only then did they stop running away from me!  But it was still quite a while until they stopped bleating.  It was “baah, baah, baah” for a long time after I was up the road from them.  These poor sheep were afraid of little old me on a bike.  I wouldn’t ever want to get near enough to even try to hurt them!  (If they knew me they would know I’m as scared of them as they are of me.) Yet, they were afraid out of their minds! 

Birds on the other hand are rarely afraid of me.  I’ve seen many a bird hop right into the restaurants here in town.  They hop right into the human world and when they get bored they hop right back out.  The birds in New Zealand are amazing.  They sing the most unique songs I’ve ever heard.  I’ve seen so many soar straight up above the tree line and then free-fall right back to the forest.  They flutter here and they flap there.  

When I went on my walk through the rainforest this evening I saw a beautiful little bird.  He had a black head and a fluffy, feathery white chest.  It looked like he was wearing an Oscar-worthy dress!  He looked to and fro while he perched on the branch.  He wasn’t worried about a thing!

In exactly two weeks I will be leaving Fox Glacier.  I hardly have a plan about what I’m doing next.  I just don’t know for sure about anything!  But I know as my departure draws near that I want to have the attitude of the birds and not the attitude of the sheep.  I don’t want to run away and cry just because I don’t have the protection of my paddock.  I want to soar above the trees!  I want to dive and free-fall right back to the forest!  For the rest of my life I want to be careless in the care of God.  I can’t think of anything more exciting and anything more fun.  I don’t want to be afraid anymore.  I won’t be.  

Here I go. I’m soaring!  I’m singing!

Time

February 22, 2011

7:20am Monday, 21, 2011

Cell phone alarm goes off.  I don’t want to get up and go to Franz Joseph today.  Lay in bed until 7:23.  Get up and get breakfast. 

7:55 Must get in shower NOW in order to get to bus stop by 8:30am.

8:19 Walk out front door to bus stop to catch bus to Franz Joseph.

8:38 Bus pulls out of Fox Glacier heading for Franz Joseph.

9:05 Arrive in Franz and get off bus near hostel.  Walk around town and finally decide to get groceries at the store and walk out to the glacier and have a picnic in the rain.

9:30 Walk out of Franz Joseph and head to the Franz Joseph Glacier Access Road carpark.

10:24 Arrive at car park.  Use bathroom.

10:31 Begin walk out to Franz Joseph Glacier terminal.

11:37 Return to carpark and find a rock to sit on and enjoy my lunch.

11:48 Begin another walk.

12:10 Finish walk and start another one.

12:55 Finally decide it’s time to walk back to town.

2:00 Go to bookshop and buy a $10 book.

2:20 Find cafe and order a large latte which literally comes in a small bowl!

3:30 Discover I’m hungry and order chips (fries).

4:20 Decide I’ve been lingering in the cafe long enough and it’s time to check into hostel even though I really don’t feel like staying in Franz.  I just want to go home to my bed!

4:35 Checked into hostel by a very rude girl.  Go to dorm room and remember a question for the staff.

4:44 Walk out of hostel saying to myself, “I can’t stay here.  I won’t stay here!”  The answer to my question had been so rude and demeaning and I just wanted to go home.  Walked to bus stop to see when the bus left for Fox Glacier.  Couldn’t find a time so walked to Information Center.

4:50 Woman at the Eye-site couldn’t figure out what time the bus left Franz for Fox.  Left info center and went back to wait for bus, hoping it would come soon.

4:55 Waiting at bus stop for bus.

5:17 Another girl asks me if I am waiting for the Intercity bus.  “Yes” I say.  “I think it’s late,” she says.  “It was supposed to be here at 5:05.”  Girl walks away.

5:25 Bus finally arrives.  I get a free ride back to Fox Glacier

6:00 Arrive in Fox.  So happy to be back.  Chris asks me to work the dinner shift.  I say no.

6:08 Get on facebook to see if my mom is around so I can tell her I’m not in Franz Joseph.  Start facebook chatting with my sister instead.  See picture of my nephew.  He’s wearing a “Big Brother” t-shirt.  Ask my sister if she’s pregnant.  She is.

12 Midnight Finally go to sleep.

Monday 22, 2011

9:26 am Wake up without an alarm clock. Get dressed. Brush teeth.  Go to town to mail hostel key back and get groceries for breakfast.

10:00 Go to Maureen’s house to watch TV and eat breakfast.

10:30 Watch (500) Days of Summer on TV.  At some point, felt shaking, but ignored it.  It wasn’t strong enough to be anything.  Could have been my imagination.

12:55 Head to work for the one o’clock meeting.

1:15 At Caroline’s house when Cookie rushes in with panic on her face.  Exclaims that there was another massive earthquake in Christchurch.  We go to Cookie’s to watch the news.

1:22 Back at my house find text message from Jessica in Christchurch.  She’s okay.  Roads are bad.  Everything really shook.

Deep breath.  It feels like the last 30 hours have been crazy.  So much.  So much emotion: worry, fear, celebration, joy, sadness, fear, worry, peace.  Time to take another deep breath.  It’s going to be okay.

Ragged Happiness

February 16, 2011

It’s amazing how sudden happiness can overwhelm one.  Just sitting on a ragged picnic chair on my concrete front step, happiness exploded over me.  Maybe not exploded, maybe burst, or slowly crept into my heart.  I’m reading some sort of thriller that someone left behind in their hotel room.  It’s easy stuff.  Big font and easy pace.  I’m all alone.  The sun has even decided to hide behind the clouds although earlier she was showing off like crazy all over town!  Now my favorite new song is playing on the radio.  It reminds me of old fashioned music, but it’s very new R&B.  

Earlier today, I was so homesick.  I couldn’t stop thinking about all the mundane things about home.  Like Alderwood Mall.  Who freaking cares about Alderwood Mall?  But I think about it all the time.  I think about it’s shiny, polished floors.  The buzz of people walking every which way.  The skylights and the carts in the middle of the floors.  The fancy shops like Abercrombie and Fitch and The Gap.  I haven’t been there in so long, but it penetrates my thoughts!

I thought about the boring suburban feel of my hometown, Everett.  The McDonald’s signs, the traffic lights, Safeways, the mountains in the distance reminding us how close we really are to the wilderness.  Forest Park, gritty Evergreen Way where it intersects with Casino Road, and where my favorite Fred Meyer store is.  All these stupid things make me miss home.

But then suddenly I’m not homesick anymore.  I couldn’t be happier than I am now sitting on my front step drinking lemon water and milky New Zealand Bell tea.  Why does this happen?  Why do I suddenly swing from a homesickness that niggles at the back of my mind all day long to a beautiful happiness?  It comes from no where.  In a moment I go from being OK to being supremely happy!  I’m dashing quickly up the stairs!  I can’t hold back the smile spreading over my face.  Where does this come from? 

Maybe it doesn’t matter where it comes from.  Maybe it just matters that it is.  I’m happy and why should I question it?  I’m going to go back to my beach trash book and enjoy my happiness.

Record Breaking Time!

February 15, 2011

Today marks my three month anniversary.  I have lived in New Zealand for three months now!  This is actually one of the most important markers in my adventure because this is the longest I’ve ever been from home.  When I went to France I was there for exactly three months and then I went to Prague for a week and then came home.  

This is the longest I’ve gone without driving a car and without seeing my parents.  When I was in France my parents came to visit me about half way through the trip.  I remember how homesick everyone on my France trip was.  There were only a few people who didn’t talk about home or left behind boyfriends everday.  Leading up to the end of the trip everyone was so excited to go home.  I was one of the very few on the trip not flying straight back to the US.  I was going to Prague.  I remember being sad and jealous that I wasn’t going home too.  I was kind of dreading going to Prague for a whole week longer.  Besides having all these people around me ready to go home, I had a cold.  Whenever I’m sick there’s nothing I want more than to be with my mom.  She always makes me feel better.  Needless to say I wanted to go home.  Everything turned out wonderful in Prague though.  I was with different people who were excited to be there.  And the ladies I traveled with really mothered me!  When I got there with such an awful cold, they took good care of me.  I soon recovered and enjoyed my week in Prague.  

I’m excited to be breaking new records and creating new ones!  After these three months I’m going into new territory!  This is the longest I’ve ever lived in a foreign country!  And I’m going to break this record by waking up tomorrow morning in beautiful New Zealand!

Imperfect. Another glass of wine anyone?

February 13, 2011

Wow.  Had such a great night at work.  All our guests are absolutely lovely.  There was the honeymoon couple from Perth, Australia; the older couple from Belgium; the gay couple from Sydney; the family from Connecticut and Washington DC; the Aussie with his Dutch wife and her Dutch sister and brother-in-law; and the woman from Portugal!  Talk about a multi-cultural group!

All these guests showed up to my wine hosting.  People gelled in ways I would not have guessed!  One of the men from Sydney had grown up in Africa and lived in the UK.  He and the honeymoon couple and the Belgian couple, and the woman from Portugal talked up a storm.  I kind of went a little crazy and let everyone have seconds on the wine.  I figured that if Chris found out I’d just offer to pay for two of the bottles of wine.  Whatever!  They were all having such a great time and I didn’t want to ruin it!  Every time I tell people they have to pay for the second glass I put a real damper on the whole thing!

I think this was a result of my decision to live imperfectly.  In the past I’ve made the decision to not live perfectly, but it has never lasted.  I always strive for perfection.  So I decided I would go to the extreme--at least for a little while--and try and live imperfectly.  So tonight I broke the one-glass-of-wine-per-guest rule.  I’m actually really happy about it.  I think it was a good decision even if it wasn’t the perfect decision.  

So yeah.  Here’s to being imperfect!

If I hadn't come to New Zealand . . .

February 11, 2011

I spotted an article today about how thinking about what your life would be like if you hadn’t met your spouse makes you happier than thinking about how you met your spouse.  The thought of how awful/different your life could have been without your spouse makes you happier than the thought of how you met your spouse.  

Does that make sense?  Let’s do an example.  I don’t have a spouse, but I have an adventure so I will try to show you using my adventure.

If I hadn’t come to New Zealand what would my life look like right now?  I almost gave up on coming to New Zealand.  Around July/August of 2010 I was seriously thinking of not going to New Zealand.  I didn’t want to leave my family or friends or home that I loved.

But if I had stayed what would my life be like?  I would probably still be working at the Residence Inn Lake Union.  Which isn’t so bad, but it wasn’t my best job.  I didn’t always feel comfortable there and I often felt like the weakest link.  I’d still be at home with my parents.  Which also wouldn’t be too bad, but I know I would feel bad about myself because of it.  I love my parents.  I love living with my parents.  But I often felt guilty about it.  I felt like I was a grown up and I shouldn’t be living with my parents.  

Basically my life would be exactly the same as it had been for the last two years.  And I would feel trapped in a way.  I’d be living off dreams of traveling.  I would dream, hope, and plan pretend trips to get myself through the sameness of every day.  

I’m really glad I’m here in New Zealand.  If I hadn’t come I would have missed out on the God-appointed meeting between my Christchurch friends and myself.  I would have missed out on the opportunity to learn to trust God in a way I never had before.  I would have missed getting to meet the wonderful Short family in Nelson.  I wouldn’t have the great friends I have now in Fox Glacier.  I never would have gotten to take my first helicopter trip (for free) over a glacier and rainforest.  I wouldn’t be living the courageous life I’m living now.  

Most of all I’m grateful to be living that courageous life.  That’s the biggest difference between my past life and this life.  I’m living on the edge, trusting God, and learning how to go with the flow.  

I guess this experiment really has worked.  I feel very happy!  

Ready to Go!

February 9, 2011

I’ve decided I’m ready to leave Fox Glacier.  I wasn’t ready last week, but this week I am.  Mentally, of course.  Literally, my bags are still unpacked and my stuff is strewn around this house!  But mentally it’s time.

I’ve fallen into some bad habits in the last few weeks.  Now, I know a change of scene isn’t enough to kick my bad habits.  But I feel like if I got away it might help.  I’m ready to get my traveling shoes on!  I’m thinking about going to Doubtful Sound on an overnight boat trip.  Check it out here http://realjourneys2.thrive.net.nz/Main/.

Sounds great doesn’t it?  I’m ready to go on vacation again.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be one of those people that works all year round with only two weeks vacation.  It’s only been a couple of months since my last month long vacation and I’m ready for another one!

I’ve been working really hard here in Fox Glacier.  My job is physical and often the interpersonal strength it takes to work here is too much!  It’s a constant balancing act!

But I’m thankful for it.  I’m thankful for all the positive things I did today: eating fruit for breakfast, taking time to sit in the sun, drinking water, buying coffee for a friend, listening to my new roommates talk about Chile, vacuuming my house, making my bed, and lending a friend a book.  Those are all positive things!  I’m so grateful!  I’m happy for the experiences I’ve had here.  

I’ve let my boss Chris know that I will probably leave after the first two weeks of March.

Little Children

February 2, 2011

Growing up I had very idealistic, if unrealistic, ideas of adulthood.  My ideas were pretty vague, but these ideas have stuck with me.  Now that I’m an adult I fall very short of these ideals.

One evening I was complaining to my roommate Jess about cleaning my dishes.  I whined, “I don’t want to wash the dishes but I will because I want to be a responsible adult.”

Jess responded, “You are a responsible adult.  You go to work.  You pay your bills. And you don’t go out drinking every night.”

Jess’ definition of a responsible adult make me laugh!  It fell so short of my ideals of a responsible adult.  But I think she had something there.  I’m not the perfect adult I thought I would be.  I don’t keep my house spotless.  I don’t eat vegetables all the time.  And I don’t like to wash my dishes.  (Why did I think as a child that when I became an adult I’d actually like to do chores?)

But what I am learning is that at least for me, being an adult is about holding onto your childlike spirit.  I think here in New Zealand God is teaching me how to keep the wonder, the imagination, and the adventure of a child.  To me being a responsible adult means being responsible enough to recognize my need to just let go and have some fun!  Yes, the dishes still need washing, but I don’t want that to get in the way of enjoying this marvelous adventure I’m on.

Even Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”  (Matthew 18:3)

So I’m going to let go of my need to fulfill these unattainable ideals of adulthood.  I’m going enjoy the simplicity of being a child again.  (But I think I will still squeeze in some time to wash the dishes.)